Really? We're Outsourcing Stats Now? UFL Week 2 Preview

Just like last year, I'm gonna talk about a spring football league's stats page. Unlike last year, I'm getting my shit in before they correct whatever the fuck this is. I just wish I took a screenshot when it looked even more fucked up than that where the stat headers were misaligned with the stats. That shit made my FBS Playoffs game recaps look like the NFL when it came to presentation. Like damn, it's like they repurposed the XFL website for this league...just like they repurposed their Facebook, YouTube, Twitter (I refuse to call it X), etc accounts.

As for their game stats, they made a deal with StatBroadcast to have them host their live stats and game summaries. They started off all the way back to 2004 as StatDisplay, later changing their name to BCS Stats Systems in 2006 when they mainly did college football. As they grew bigger covering more sports and leagues, they changed their name to StatBroadcast Systems in 2011. It's neat that you can make a player card using stats from that game but mines didn't come out so well. Anyways, I wasted enough time on this, let's get to this week's slate of games.

I could've did a better job of making this player card. I tried to upload a headshot but it didn't work.

THE GAMES

San Antonio Brahmas  25

Memphis Showboats    28

As expected, Brahmas kicker Donald De La Haye was the star of the show. Deestroying's "highlight" video had the most views on the UFL's YouTube channel with 195K since the announcement of the merger 3 months ago did nearly 200K. Hell, him and punter Brad Wing talked to Pat McAfee about the fake punt TD pass to their center Alex Mollette who was lined up as a TE!  While the Showboats actually looked like a competent team this time with Case Cookus as their QB and without Todd Haley as their coach. I really want to say that the Final Boss is working us so his namesake team will be world beaters but I'll go with Memphis here.

Arlington Renegades    24

St. Louis Battlehawks   22

The USFL drew first blood in the battle of league champions to kickoff the UFL. Luis Perez was decent going 19-28 for 214 yds, a TD and INT. I never really thought about comparing the quality of play between the 2 leagues since the majority of these players would be on the practice squad or sitting on their couch without spring football. I feel the Renegades will bounce back against a more familiar foe in the Battlehawks who should've won judging by their stats. But A.J. McCarron was running for his life in the highlights so the O-line might be their weakness this year. Which is bad considering he's too old to be doing Patrick Mahomes cosplay.

Birmingham Stallions  21

Michigan Panthers       17

I picked the Stallions to win last week because I thought the veteran QB J'Mar Smith was starting. Instead, they ran a 2 QB system with newcomers Matt Corral as the passer and Adrian Martinez as the running QB. It's another 2 QBs = No QBs situation like in 2022 when Skip Holtz flipflopped between Smith and Alex McGough. Neither of them impressed me much so this will probably be another defensive game. Also shoutout to Panthers kicker Jake Bates making a name for himself with a game winning 64 yd FG. He's another guy who haven't kicked footballs much lately due to playing soccer so maybe he will be this season's Brandon Aubrey.

Houston Roughnecks   12

D.C. Defenders              15

D.C. did not look great against the Brahmas. They went 0-3 in the redzone which explains their kicker Matthew McCrane scoring all 12 of their points. It shouldn't be too shocking how they were kept out of the endzone considering they was going against a Wade Phillips defense. Now they're facing off against a team whose fans probably wish they had Wade back. Hell, H-Town probably wouldn't mind P.J. Walker returning after seeing those mid QBs trotted out there.

BTW, the guy who was ejected for spitting on Brahmas OLB Delontae Scott got released. It didn't help that Jean Delance got popped for 4 penalties that wiped out 2 of DC's TDs. How much of a dipshit do you have to be to get yourself cut after 1 game because you couldn't handle your emotions? This isn't like getting cut because you wanted pizza or you're accused of sharing plays with opponents because those decisions were made by hardass dumbfucks who had no business being a head coach. You simply showed why you didn't play a snap in your 1 NFL season but hey, at least you can fall back on your ability to play different instruments.

LAST WEEK: 2-2