To be honest, this will probably be the last time I do the end of season review this late. In 2020, I posted late because I was flooded out. For the 2021 season I simply didn't feel like doing a draft preview. Then with the 2022 edition I simply forgot to do it. This time I waited on purpose but at this point it's an offseason recap as I forgot most of what happened this season.
I only remember a few things like this was the season of the backup QBs as 66 different guys started a game and Joshua Dobbs did it for 2 teams! And the funny thing about that number is it's 2 short of the 2022 QB calamity, I just didn't notice it (While I'm on the topic, here's every pass by a non-QB). I remember Usher putting on an entertaining Super Bowl halftime show with Alicia Keys that Sarah from The Boondocks would've loved. And I remember hating how the script came out at the end. Other things happened like NFL Network airing OT7 games and the returning AFL, the NFL now allows a 3rd alternative helmet, the Packers and Eagles will play a Friday night game in Brazil in week 1 (they might be banned from wearing green due to it being the colors of the host stadium team's rivals LOL), and they banned "hip drop tackles". Ugh.
END OF SEASON REVIEW
Baltimore Ravens 13-4
The Ravens signed Odell Beckham Jr so he would be a top target for Lamar Jackson. That didn't happen. OBJ finished his 1-year rental with 35 receptions for 565 yards and 3 TDs. Lamar still had an MVP season only to lose to the Super Bowl champ Chiefs in the AFC Championship. They hope their newest toy Derrick Henry can finally get them over the hump.
San Francisco 49ers 12-5
Hey, remember 28-3 where for some idiotic reason the Falcons didn't run the ball to milk the clock and allowed Tom Brady and the Patriots to come back to win Super Bowl LI? Kyle Shanahan was their offensive coordinator. With that information, you shouldn't be surprised whenever this dipshit chokes away big leads because he gets away from what got him that lead (running the ball) only to lose in heartbreaking fashion, just like the last time he choked away a Super Bowl to Kansas City. During the offseason they lost CB Logan Ryan to retirement but picked up The Passtronaut to backup Brock Purdy. They also lost their 5th round pick for next year's draft due to a payroll fuckup. This team is not winning a Super Bowl again.
Detroit Lions 12-5
After decades of being such a trash ass organization, 2 of their superstars would rather retire while still in their prime then play another second for this team, the Lions FINALLY earned some respectability! Who woulda thunk it from a coach whose opening press conference was about biting off kneecaps. As a reward for bringing a division title to Detroit for the first time in a long ass time, Dan Campbell was granted his request to bring back the black jerseys. Not only that, but the Lions also showed off their new home, away and cheerleader uniforms to kick off the new era of high expectations. With their LB Jalen Reeves-Maybin as the new NFLPA president, they made amends with both Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson and Jared Goff is treating the trade as "the greatest thing that ever happened to me", everything's coming up Detroit. And since I'm still here, both WR Amon-Ra St. Brown and OT Penei Sewell got PAID!
Dallas Cowboys 12-5
WHO BOY! Stephen A Smith was licking his chops at the opportunity to shit on the Cowboys after another playoff fail and various ESPN shows like First Take and The Pat McAfee Show got their highest views ever. Since that faithful day, some notable players are gone like WR Michael Gallup to free agency, C Tyler Biadasz to the Commanders, LT Tyron Smith to the Jets, RB Tony Pollard to the Titans and LB Leighton Vander Esch to retirement due to neck injuries. And if the Cowboys feel they can get a better QB, they might let Dak walk after his contract is up, which he's has no problem with. It's not all bad in Arlington, their equipment staff was awarded 2023 NFC Equipment Team of the Year and their cheerleaders is getting a new Netflix show.
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| Bo Scarbrough's NFL career wasn't much to write home about, but he won 2 national championships at Alabama and is a 2X USFL champion with the Birmingham Stallions so overall he had a nice career. Enjoy your retirement Bo! |
Kansas City Chiefs 11-6
Taylor Swift didn't inject herself into the halftime show but her Super Bowl appearance played a part in the 62.5 million people tuning in from outside the U.S. In on the field news, DT Chris Jones got PAID with a new 5-year $158.75 million deal with $101 million guaranteed. Also, Andy Reid along with GM Brett Veach and President Mark Donovan got contract extensions through 2029 to keep this dynasty going. Pray for the AFC West. But it wouldn't be the NFL without someone doing something fucking stupid behind the wheel like WR Rashee Rice's involvement of a multi car wreck on a Texas highway that he walked away from without rendering aid.
Buffalo Bills 11-6
The biggest story out of Buffalo this season was the return of S Damar Hamlin to the field from a cardiac arrest while making a tackle. Understandably, he was a shoo in for Comeback Player of the Year despite only appearing in 5 games and recording 2 tackles. Then Joe Flacco happened, and he ended up winning it instead. Damar took it in stride and feels his comeback can't be defined with a trophy. In other news, WR Stefon Diggs was traded to the Texans for a 2025 2nd round pick and Twitter personality O.J. Simpson died from prostate cancer.
Miami Dolphins 11-6
Last season, Tua showed what you could when your coach actually believes in you. This season, he showed what he can do when he actually stays healthy. He led the league in passing yards 4,624 to go with 29 TDs and 14 INTs which got him in the Pro Bowl. Their championship window seems to be open as long as WR Tyreek Hill is still on the team. Good thing they brought in highly motivated LB Shaquil Barrett to help their defense and get pass the Chiefs.
Cleveland Browns 11-6
The Browns was such a shitshow as QB Deshaun Watson collected his guaranteed checks while injured. Fan favorite RB Nick Chubb goes down early and the 3 QBs they went through were mid at best. Then Flacco Flame arrives and leads this sad sack team to the playoffs. The Browns didn't go far in the playoffs but various people including Flacco won awards like DE Myles Garrett voted AP Defensive Player of the Year, DC Jim Schwartz won AP Assistant Coach of the Year and Kevin Stefanski won his 2nd Coach of the Year award. They hope WR Jerry Jeudy will help with the passing game while Jameis Winston will be a solid backup QB.
Philadelphia Eagles 11-6
Damn Philly, what happened? It's like they blew their load on last season's Super Bowl run and lost what made them a threat. They lost 2 key figures to retirement in C Jason Kelce and DT Fletcher Cox. They brought back DB Chauncey Gardner-Johnson and signed RB Saquon Barkley both to 3-year deals hoping to keep their window open. Kenny Pickett is also here after basically refusing to play 2nd fiddle to Russell Wilson. So instead of backing up someone who probably won't be there in 5 years, he's backing up someone who'll likely double that. LOL.
Houston Texans 10-7
If it wasn't for Flacco carrying the Browns on his back, DeMeco Ryans would've won Coach of the Year. He and rookie QB C.J. Stroud lifted this fanbase out of despair and into the promise land of the playoffs. They may have been outmatched by the Ravens, but this was absolutely a successful season and gives fans a reason to be optimistic for next season. Along with Diggs, they also traded for RB Joe Mixon to help with their run game. And thanks to this newfound success plus Andre Johnson being the first Houston Texan inducted to the Pro Football Hall of Fame, they will play in the HOF game against the Bears who have 3 inductees of their own!
Speaking of firsts, this will be the first time the Texans got new uniforms in their history. Their home unis are basically a stripped-down version of their old uniform without the extra striping. Their away gear has a shoulder stripe that turns into a bullhorn so that's new. The alternatives are the same but all red including a red helmet with the bullhorn. And their color rush (that's still a thing?) is all blue with the letter H on the helmet instead. All I thought about when looking at the photos was the Falcons uniforms, which is odd since they're not really the same. Oh well.
Pittsburgh Steelers 10-7
So, the Steelers cleaned house of their QB room and brought in a new crop of signal callers with DangeRuss leading the way. I was ready to clown Russell until I actually looked at his stats and noticed, they're not THAT bad. He was 9th in TD passes with 26 to go with just 8 INTs and 3,070 yards. Being sacked 45 times killed whatever chance he had of being successful in Denver. That and Sean Payton clearly hated him and Team 3. He gets another chance of a new lease on life while Justin Fields gets to sit behind a veteran after crapping out of Chicago.
Los Angeles Rams 10-7
He said before he was planning on retiring but DT Aaron Donald's announcement stills stings. WR Puka Nacua is expected to get better after his breakout rookie season and being paired up with Cooper Kupp should benefit the both of them. I don't know how much left Matthew Stafford has in the tank but maybe they should draft a QB of the future. I get they signed Jimmy G but he's been exposed as not that great of a QB. It doesn't help that he's being suspended 2 games for "performance enhancers" which LOL, he should demand a refund.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-8
Baker Mayfield had quite the career resurgence. Everybody thought he was just another bust then after bouncing around different teams, he lands in Tampa to replace Tom Brady. And hot damn, he proved he can still be a good QB if he's not saddled with bad coaching. So, after their playoff run they resigned their key players in Baker, WR Mike Evans and LB Lavonte David. They will need all the help they can get with Kirk Cousins moving into their division.
Green Bay Packers 9-8
Jordan Love did a nice job as the successor to Aaron Rodgers. He finished 7th in passing yards with 4,159 and 2nd in TDs with 32 plus a respectable 11 INTs. He will have Josh Jacobs to hand the ball off to after Aaron Jones left. He also still has AJ Dillion to share in on the RB duties. And if for some reason Love goes down, 2X USFL champ Alex McGough is still here to provide relief.
New Orleans Saints 9-8
Derek Carr is another QB I was ready to shit on, but he was fine. He finished in the top 10 for TDs with 25 to go with 3,878 yards and 8 INTs. They signed WR Equanimeous St. Brown to help in the passing game but that doesn't really seem like much of an upgrade. S Tyrann Mathieu signed a new 2-year, $13.75 million deal to stay with the Saints so that's nice. They also added DE Chase Young to their defense who is fresh off a Super Bowl trip with San Francisco.
Seattle Seahawks 9-8
Their longtime punter Jon Ryan came back to retire as a Seahawk. That's about all I can say.
Jacksonville Jaguars 9-8
Indianapolis Colts 9-8
When their hotshot rookie QB Anthony Richardson went down for the season, Colts fans everywhere cried themselves to sleep as they figured the season was over. But then Uncle Rico himself Gardner Minshew step in and had a Pro Bowl season that gave hope to Indy fans that they can reach the promise land. They lost the Win and In game to the Texans but that was one hell of an effort to salvage this season. With Minshew gone, the Colts brought in Flacco as a capable backup in case Richardson gets injured again. Also, RIP Vontae Davis.
Cincinnati Bengals 9-8
Why am I still writing paragraphs when I'm posting this a day before the Draft instead of a week?
Las Vegas Raiders 8-9
Josh McDaniels gets fired, Raiders gave up on Garoppolo and Uncle Rico moves to Sin City so the starting QB will be either Aidan O'Connell, Anthony Brown Jr(?), Minshew or a rookie. Best of luck to Antonio Pierce as their new coach because he's gonna have his work cut out for him.
Denver Broncos 8-9
Those luchadores must've been thinking, "¿Qué carajo es esta mierda?". Here's more of the NFL mascot invasion on CMLL. Speaking of photos, the Broncos have new uniforms as well. I feel they're missing out on doing all white and all blue uniforms but whatever. They also have orange jersey and pants but sadly no orange helmet. Their 3rd helmet is for their 1977 Orange Crush throwback which I admit looks pretty clean. Probably because it's sponsored by Tide.
New York Jets 7-10
The Family Guy Mets cutaway perfectly sums up the Jets season. I bet Jets fans wished the season really did end there so they wouldn't prolong their suffering. So anyways, the Jets ruined yet another QB as Zach Wilson gets shipped off to Denver so he can compete with Jarrett Stidham and Ben DiNucci for the starting job. In his place as Aaron Rodgers backup is veteran Tyrod Taylor who completes the NY/NJ hattrick. Longtime Cowboy LT Tyron Smith was added to protect A-Rod while Mike Williams arrived to hopefully catch his passes all season.
Minnesota Vikings 7-10
RB Aaron Jones joined the Vikings to get payback against the Packers but who will be the QB?
Atlanta Falcons 7-10
Kirk Cousins chose the Falcons because he feels he can retire with them. Considering they gave him a 4-year $180 million contract fresh off an Achilles injury, they're desperate enough to let him retire on his own terms (but not to let him wear #8). And with Desmond Ridder gone, they're expecting him to be here for a while. Plus, their former QB Matt Ryan returned to officially retire from the NFL. You would think doing games for CBS would make you retired, but I guess not.
Chicago Bears 7-10
Speaking of giving up on QBs, this shitty ass franchise ruined Justin Fields and sent him to the Steelers so they can repeat the process by drafting Caleb Williams, ruining him and trading him away for a bag of Fritos and a bottle of Fanta. Congrats on Steve McMichael and Devin Hester (and Julius Peppers) being inducted into the HOF though. God I hope Caleb pulls an Eli.
New York Giants 6-11
Good lord this team is consistently inconsistent.
Tennessee Titans 6-11
Wow, that breakup between the Titans and Mike Vrabel was sudden. It's like there was a power struggle between him and the GM/owner and they decided to can his ass. What's even more surprising is he didn't get another job this year. Maybe he's taking a year off and swoop in on a new team next season. In the meantime, it's a new era of Titans football as Ryan Tannehill and Derrick Henry are gone as Will Levis and Tony Pollard are the new stars of this team.
Los Angeles Chargers 5-12
Arizona Cardinals 4-13
I got nothing here. It's still wild to see Josh Dobbs start for 2 different teams though.
Washington Commanders 4-13
That Commanders offensive line was so goddamn awful Sam Howell was on the fast track to breaking David Carr's record of 76 set in 2002 for times sacked in a season. Instead, he finished 4th on the list with 65 between Carr's 68 set in 2005 and Jon Kitna's 63 a year later. Since they beat him into powder, they traded what's left of him to Seattle and signed Marcus Mariota who will be the first QB to wear #0. Thankfully they fired that scapegoater Ron Rivera but they hired former Cowboys DC Mr. 28-3 himself Dan Quinn. It's weird to me that you would waste that number on someone who might not even start instead of say, a Super Bowl winning LB.
New England Patriots 4-13
It's the end of an era. This man was a key part in the Patriots dynasty but all good things must come to a end. The Man. The Myth. The Legend. Special teamer Matthew Slater has retired. The Patriots also traded Mac Jones to the Jaguars which means drafting a QB will be a priority for new coach and former player Jerod Mayo. Well at least QB Jacoby Brissett returned home.
Carolina Panthers 2-15
The Panthers failed Bryce Young just like I failed to post this blog in a timely matter. :(
LAST WEEK: 0-1
PLAYOFFS: 7-7
OVERALL: 149-136
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