Y'know, it was foolish of me to think the XFL and USFL could coexist with each other like the indoor leagues. But instead of one taking the other out like the Monday Night Wars, they simply merged together to take the name of previous failed football leagues. Now that I think about it, it was not sustainable for them to operate as separate spring leagues. FOX has the money to run the USFL but they would've eventually gotten bored with it and shut it down. The Rock had the passion to run the XFL but he sure as hell didn't have the extra finances to take $60 million in losses every year. So here's the USFL and XFL as conferences in the UFL (3.0).
I actually remember watching the 2009-12 edition of the United Football League. It had multiple notable NFL players like J.P. Losman, Josh McCown, Daunte Culpepper, Jeff Garcia and Maurice Clarett. Even Denzel Washington's son John David played all 4 years of the UFL with the California Redwoods/Sacramento Mountain Lions! Plus there were notable coaches like Bart Andrus, Dennis Green, and Jim Fassel in the league. Hell, Dolphins Head Coach Mike McDaniel was there 2 years as a RB/Quality Control coach for the Redwood Lions.
In this fused league, instead of putting all 16 teams together, they trimmed the fat and kept it at 8 teams with the USFL Stars, Maulers, Gamblers, Breakers and Generals along with the XFL Vipers, Sea Dragons and Guardians getting put back in storage. The Houston Roughnecks took the Gamblers' spot in the USFL conference since they actually had a home stadium and were far more popular than the USFL team. There were some give and take by the 2 leagues with the rules like the UFL using the XFL's 3 option extra point while using the USFL's traditional kickoff (ironic that the NFL will use a modified version of the XFL's kickoff). You will see the XFL's eye in the sky ref make decisions in real time and the USFL's stupid drone. The XFL brings along ESPN while the USFL lost NBC since it would clash with their other programming.
As a combined league they have the finances and passion to keep this league afloat for more than 4 years. The players, coaches and other personnel won't have to worry about not getting paid or the league going into debt or the season suddenly ending early. Now whether FOX wants to keep footing the bill for a league that may or may not draw money is another story. It's just so funny how these outdoor leagues keep folding while the indoor leagues keep chugging along even though they're full of shysters. Anyways, let's get to halfassing these predictions.
THE GAMES
Birmingham Stallions 37
Arlington Renegades 35
It's fitting to start the UFL season with a champion vs champion match with the back 2 back USFL champ Stallions taking on the surprise XFL champ Renegades. The Stallions suffered 2 huge losses as QB Alex McGough is currently on the Packers while their kicker Brandon Aubrey is a Pro Bowler for the Cowboys. They will also be without their RB Bo Scarbrough who retired earlier this month. It's not all bad for Skip Holtz as he goes for a 3-peat because familiar faces QB J'Mar Smith and LB Scooby Wright returned. He also will have notable NFL talents like DE Taco Charlton, QB Matt Corral and K Chris Blewitt (oh good lord) by his side.
Spring football legend QB Luis Perez returns to the Renegades along with OLB Donald Payne, pizza lover RB De'Veon Smith and athletic punter Marquette King with Bob Stoops coaching this team for a 3rd year. They picked up Perez's Viper teammate DE Vic Beasley so that should improve their defense. While 2-time XFL champ Jonathan Himebauch is back coaching the offensive line so that's nice to see too. I'd say this should be a high scoring game. That is, unless one of the QBs gets injured and all they have left are scrubs throwing the ball.
St. Louis Battlehawks 28
Michigan Panthers 17
KAKAW! A.J. McCarron has another season left in him as he slings the ball for the Battlehawks as Brandon Silvers backs him up. I don't know who these other people are on the roster so that's not a promising outlook. Hell, their assistant coaches are more famous as former players La’Roi Glover and Bruce Gradkowski are on Anthony Becht's staff. Granted, these rosters are full of practice squadders and free agents so I shouldn't expect to see many stars.
Frank Ginda and Danny Etling are the only names I recognize on the Panthers roster. That's...not good. Maybe there's some photoless guys here I covered before. Mike Nolan will have his work cut out for him coaching these randos. Hopefully they win more than 4 games.
D.C. Defenders 31
San Antonio Brahmas 10
Jordan Ta'amu returns to D.C. to settle some unfinished business. Getting upset by Arlington had to put a bad taste in his mouth. This year, he will have S D.J. Swearinger and QB Deondre Francois to help him. OK, not the best examples but you get the idea. Coach Reggie Barlow is taking another crack at the title as well so expect them to be contenders.
The Rock may be the "final boss" but his namesake team were practice dummies last season. All I remember is that their QBs were terrible and they wore the San Diego Fleet's hand me downs. Thankfully, Hines Ward is gone and Wade Phillips moved over from the Roughnecks to San Antonio. Quinten Dormady is here too and I bet he's thankful that he's not playing for a dipshit coach who accused him of sharing plays with opponents to cover his own ass. Plus, likely the most famous player in this league Donald De La Haye aka Deestroying is continuing his kicking journey after the NCAA fucked him over in the pre-NIL days for being a YouTuber.
Memphis Showboats 21
Houston Roughnecks 14
Since the Philadelphia Stars are dead again their QB Case Cookus headed south to play for the Showboats. Since the New Orleans Breakers are dead too, their coach John DeFilippo crossed Mississippi to captain the ship in Memphis. Cookus can sling the ball easily but he will have the thick thighs of Darius Victor to pound the rock too. If they can keep Case upright, they should have a good season. Can't do any worse than when they had Todd Haley coaching them.
As I mentioned before, both the USFL and XFL had a Houston team so one of them had to go. That team was the Gamblers who didn't have a home stadium (the 3 USFL teams that survived the merger had a stadium to call home). So to make nice with the USFL, the Gamblers coaching staff took over the Roughnecks while Wade was relocated to the UFL hub. I'm looking at this roster and YIKES! It seems the Roughnecks will be the same in name and uniform only.
USFL: 57-29
XFL: 40-23
OVERALL: 97-52
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| So will Curt and Joel actually be calling the games from the stadium for the whole season or nah? |
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