Ugh. NFL Super Bowl Preview

It's the 2nd edition of the Pro Bowl Games and like last year, there were things I liked, events that were meh and times where I wondered what's the point of this shit? They started off last Thursday's events strong with Precision Passing. Baker Mayfield advanced to the finals with 24 points where he beat C.J. Stroud head-to-head 9-8 to earn the NFC 3 points. Funny thing is, Dan Orlovsky, best known for running out the endzone, beat all of them with a score of 27 since he completed the 10-point pass unlike the Pro Bowl QBs. All while wearing his business clothes.

Miles Killebrew responded as the last man standing giving the AFC 3 points in High Stakes. Bryan Anger got the NFC the lead back by hitting the golf ball Closest to the Pin. Last year, the long snappers were the only ones hitting the board in Kick-Tac-Toe so they gave them their own event this time with Snap Shots. Good thing the NFC had Andrew DePaola who was smart enough to build up his score with 1 holes instead of going for 5 all game. Then after splitting the Dodgeball event, the NFC carried a 12-6 lead to Sunday. They really needed that lead...

Sunday's challenges were played between each quarter of the flag football game so I will get those out the way first. The kickers actually hit the board this time with the AFC's Justin Tucker beating USFL legend Brandon Aubrey. However, the NFL didn't care about this event so I had to go to their X account to see the winning kick. While the NFC removed the weights this time before pulling the wall to win Move the Chains. Now let's get into a rant over censorship!

This year's Madden Pro Bowl game is counted to the points total and man, David Njoku was salty the whole time. He kept shrugging off help from Tyreek Hill and One Great User while throwing multiple INTs. Puka Nacua took advantage of his stubbornness to give the NFC a 15-3 halftime lead. Then Micah Parsons took over and shit talked his way to a 36-15 win. But never mind that shit, let's talk about censored Njoku and Charissa Thompson's awkwardness.

Njoku's pants were blurred out for nearly the whole video because apparently, they were Adidas. That didn't stop people from asking repeatedly why his pants was blurred.

The blur also doubled the size of Tyreek's right foot.

From the one time they forgot to censor him, it looked like regular track pants when he's sitting.

Maybe it's because I'm not a fashion guy but I couldn't tell you who made these pants. I could go to Walmart and buy pants that looked like these today and it would be some off brand like Outdoor Man or Athletic King.

Even when he stood up over the blur box, that track pants design could come from any brand.

Seriously, I brought red track pants with black stripes that looked like these a couple years ago.

Then there's Charissa who looked completely lost. Somehow she confused the end of the 1st quarter for halftime. You would think after 4 years of hosting these Madden games she would be more comfortable doing this but having her here was more pointless than when she was a sideline reporter. Hell, Chad Johnson could've shilled the Xbox Madden console instead of her.

*Insert confused dog meme*

We're back with the live action as the NFC won the Gridiron Gauntlet thanks to Jason Kelce rocking back and forth on the sled push. There were no cheerleaders butts to smell or trampolines in this edition of Best Catch. Puka won by default as he actually caught the ball unlike Njoku in this water themed event. The final skill challenge was Tug of War were the NFC straight up manhandled the AFC. They finished 30-9 and they needed every one of those points.

As for the actual flag football game, another year, another game full of players and coaches getting mad at the refs over whatever stupid rules that's being enforced. The QBs didn't like getting called for holding the ball too long, Peyton Manning griped over the NFC playing illegal defenses while Ray Lewis was mad over his defense being flagged for blitzing. At the end, the NFC won the Pro Bowl Games 64-59. It's a good thing they won most of the challenges because the AFC dominated them on the field 50-34. So Eli goes back-to-back as coach, Peyton stews for another year, Demario Davis wins defensive MVP and Baker Mayfield is MVP of the offense. The NFL wants their players in the Olympics to play flag football but they better get accustomed to these rules or Team USA is gonna get blown out by those who play flag football regularly.

THE BIG GAME

San Francisco 49ers  20

Kansas City Swifties   6

I spent a lot more time talking the Pro Bowl than I thought I would so I'll keep this short. I'm really sick of networks showing Taylor Swift every play so I hope the Niners beat the brakes off them. Other people are mad at how successful the Chiefs are during the Patrick Mahomes era where he won 2 and will play his 4th Super Bowl during his 7-year career. So naturally they're playing up their role as the heels in this story. It worked for the Patriots dynasty so why not here?

Now, I understand that the 49ers have a better offense, passing and running game but c'mon, these are the Chiefs they're playing! I feel Patrick is at a point where he shouldn't be considered a underdog, just like Tom Brady! Don't get me wrong, I'd love for San Fran to put a kibosh to the potential of Travis Kelce proposing to Taylor after winning the Super Bowl because we will never hear the end of it while they're engaged. But I don't see any glaring weaknesses like in 2020 where KC had a turnstile offensive line and started games slow. The simulation believes KC will drop balls left and right as Brock Purdy manages SF to their 6th Super Bowl win.

How I will look if the Chiefs win.

LAST WEEK: 0-1

PLAYOFFS:   7-6