If you didn't know, I've been using NFLGameSim for my predictions and just putting down random shit that may or may not relate to the final score. Last week gave me a prediction for the Texans-Cardinals game that was so unique, I just had to screenshot it and put it in the post. I even accurately stated they would sack Kyler Murray for the safety. Here's a breakdown of the only other thing they did right in the game (If football was one quarter, they would've won 5-0).
So that got me to thinking, maybe I should start betting on sports. I started doing that Fox Super 6 thing (I'm not getting paid for this) after finishing last season with a 80% prediction rate. So far, my best finish was like 441st in college football last month. So yeah, it's not going great. BUT! Maybe if I actually bet on games I could win some money. I'm not gonna be so good at picking games casinos will ban me like Vegas Dave but maybe I can make enough for a Playboy+ subscription. Besides, if the tens of people reading this are making money off it, why not me?
THE GAMES
Green Bay Packers 22
Arizona Cardinals 24
Beating the 7-0 Cardinals is a tall enough task when you're fully healthy. But the Packers have to play them without both of their receivers Davante Adams and Allen Lazard along with their defensive coordinator Joe Barry due to Covid issues. Loosing your top two WRs will sting so Randall Cobb and everyone else will need to step up to keep this game close.
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| WOOF! WOOF! J.J. Watt out with shoulder surgery! WOOF! WOOF! |
Cincinnati Bungles 30
New York Jets 17
The Bengals got a surprising blowout win over the Ravens last Sunday. It got your typical talking heads debating over who you would rather have, Burrow or Lamar? But nevermind that shit! The Jets did the same thing this year Cincy did last season, let their rookie QB get chopped down by the defense. Let's go back to what I said about them last week shall we?
It doesn't seem to matter who's coaching or playing for this team, the Jets will suck ass for the foreseeable future. And it's a shame because they have a top ten defense but their offense is hot garbage. But how can the QB succeed if he's running for his life? Zach Wilson is tied for 2nd in times sacked with 18 along with Baker Mayfield (injured), Justin Fields (9 sacks in a game) and Sam Darnold (former Jet). The Patriots have been bad post Brady but AT LEAST they have hope Mac Jones can return them to glory. The Jets don't even have that, just ruined QBs.
It's like Déjà vu all over again with teams that refuse to protect their rookie QB end up getting him injured. Thankfully, instead of a torn ACL/MCL with structural issues putting him out for the rest of the year, it's a PCL strain that will keep him out of action from 2-4 weeks. And as you know, the Jets are gonna Jets. Rather than seeing what their backup Mike White can do as starter, they instead brought back Joe Flacco in a trade with Philly. Owner Woody Johnson says he has "unwavering, steadfast confidence" in his GM and coach but he's just as responsible for how shitty this team is. If they wanted Waka Flacco Flame to be a mentor to Wilson, I wouldn't have much problem with the move. But this dumbfuck team will probably start him thinking they can claw back into the playoff race (No they wont). This team is so aggravating to report on and I haven't watched a single game of theirs since Mark Sanchez was there.
Tennessee Titans 38
Indianapolis Colts 16
The Titans was another team that surprised people by how much they won by last week. Now they're up against a Colts team they're surprisingly similar to. However, Derrick Henry will run the ball down their throats and carry the Titans to victory. RIP Carl Madsen :(.
Los Angeles Rams 16
Houston Texans 13
So is Texans CEO Cal McNair gonna step down after saying "China Virus" at a charity golf tournament back in May or nah? The recent successes of this team hid the underlying shitshow this franchise really is and it hurt Cardinals J.J. Watt "to see where it is now". Many of the people he played with and for are gone making them unrecognizable to him. As for someone who was here last year, Deshaun Watson is still likely to be traded for Tua but the Dolphins want him to settle his cases first and want to know how long will he be suspended by Goodell. Well, Watson isn't settling if he has to sign a NDA and it's unknown if any of this will happen. Mark Ingram must be thrilled he gets to escape this drama by getting traded back to the Saints
Pittsburgh Steelers 13
Cleveland Browns 16
Mike Tomlin wasn't happy about being asked about the USC job vacancy. It's understandable. What other NFL coach with as successful of a career as him gets asked about leaving for college? Hell, what other coach gets put on the hot seat as much as him despite never having a losing season during his 14 seasons with Pittsburgh? Just because lesser teams fire their successful coaches **COUGH** Bears, Lovie Smith**COUGH** doesn't mean the Steelers should. With that out of the way, how are they gonna avenge getting KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT by these same ol Browns in the Wildcard round last season? (They wont)
Philadelphia Eagles 21
Detroit Lions 13
Where have we seen this before? New coach comes in with a new system and tries to force his star players to run his system instead of adjusting it to fit his players' skillset. Eagles Fletcher Cox made it known that he can't be aggressive in new defensive coordinator Jonathan Gannon's passive scheme. They're 22nd in defense but you would think with a defense designed to prevent big plays, they would rack up interceptions and sacks right? They're tied for 10th in INTs (6), 17th in sacks (14) and gave up 22 total TDs and 2,525 yards. Sounds like he needs to stop playing his guys out of position and play them were they're comfortable at. RIP Mike Lucci :(.
San Francisco 49ers 23
Chicago Bears 20
Bears LB Khalil Mack might miss some time due to a foot injury while Matt Nagy might still be able to coach this game despite testing positive for coronavirus due to being vaccinated (ugh). While 49ers coach Kyle Shanahan gave a resounding answer when asked will Jimmy Garoppolo continue to start at QB, "I would guess so". If Trey Lance wasn't injured, Jimmy G would've been traded by now because they seem to be done with him. Hopefully he goes to a team next season where he can recapture his magic while Nagy just goes away.
Carolina Panthers 23
Atlanta Falcons 16
So the Panthers are not gonna trade away Sam Darnold for Deshaun Watson. I hate when coaches blame the players for the team's lack of performance when clearly it's bad coaching holding the team back (see Nagy, Matt). Christian McCaffrey should be MVP for the way he made Matt Rhule look good cause the team turned to shit once he got injured. Rhule benched Darnold in their loss to the Giants but XFL Champion P.J. Walker wasn't much better behind that porous offensive line. Yeah, having a 7/8 TD/INT ratio is not good but being tied for second with 21 sacks means he's getting no protection and is just forcing passes hoping someone catches it. Add on Chuba Hubbard only having 108 yards more than McCaffrey and just 1 TD, this team has bigger problems than quarterback. But what do I know, I'm just some random football fan.
Miami Dolphins 13
Buffalo Bills 17
Dolphins QB Tua Tagovailoa says "I don't not feel wanted" when asked again about trade rumors. It must be tough to play for a team that gives you no support and makes it known they don't want you here. All Tua can do is play the best of his abilities, stay healthy and look for teams that would welcome your services because he's done here in Miami.
New England Patriots 35
Los Angeles Chargers 26
So Patriots TE Hunter Henry will play against his old team. They have the 9th ranked defense so he gonna have to work extra hard on getting open enough to continue his four game TD streak.
Jacksonville Jaguars 20
Seattle Seahawks 23
That Monday Night loss got Seahawks coach Pete Carroll acknowledging he "wouldn't have been here a long time" without Russell Wilson as his QB. He's not wrong. Star players tend to make coaches look better than they really are and Carroll is no exception. Now how about he use that new found enlightenment to improve that piss poor defense before Russell returns.
Washington Riders 24
Denver Broncos 31
The Broncos are another team that had their initial record fluffed up by bad teams until they was forced to play good teams. If they continue the win vs bad teams/lose vs good teams, their record could range from 6-11 to 8-9. Either way, they're not making the playoffs. But Teddy B is not panicking though! Speaking of bad teams, Roger Goodell says owner Dan Snyder and the Football Team has "been held accountable" for their actions (LOL). That won't stop the House Committee on Oversight and Reform from asking for documents on the investigation though.
Tompa Bay Buccaneers 27
New Orleans Saints 20
Tom Brady scouted the Saints during the Manning MNF telecast a day after throwing his 602nd career TD. People say the guy who was given the 600th ball by Mike Evans should've kept the ball and sold it. But let's be real, security would've took the ball from him before he got to the concourse so he rather as well get something out of it before they eminent domain the football.
Dallas Cowboys 31
Minnesota Vikings 16
La'el Collins returns from suspension while it's unclear Dak Prescott will be ready for SNF due to his strained calf. We seen how fucked they were last season when Dak went down so here's hoping he will be alright. Or rest Dak, start Cooper Rush and run the ball 90% of the time. (Yep)
New York Giants 24
Kansas City Chiefs 19
People are asking what's wrong with Patrick Mahomes and the 3-4 Chiefs. Isn't it obvious? The highlight reel risky passes he was getting away with before are now falling incomplete or getting picked off. Teams realized it's no use chasing him around the line of scrimmage so they're backing off and locking down his receivers. It forces Mahomes to run around trying to make a play with guys hanging off of him resulting in 14 sacks and tied with a league high 9 INTs. In other words, defenses are doing what the Bucs did in Super Bowl LV where Mahomes still got his yards but they limited the big plays. Also the Chiefs defense is awful. And his family is nuts.
LAST WEEK 7-6
OVERALL 60-47
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