Packers-Bengals Put The Foot In Football. NFL Week 6 Preview

Soccer fans love to bitch about our use of football for this sport. They call it handegg completely ignoring that our football looks nothing like a egg (it's oblong), we have kickers/punters who do kick the ball and our sport evolved from their precious flopball. Last Sunday is a prime example why a lot of fans want to remove kicking from football altogether.

Five straight missed field goals by Mason Crosby and Evan McPherson before Crosby finally kicked the game winner in overtime. I'm sure this was a anomaly and they will get back to their accurate ways by goddamn that was brutal to watch. I kept screaming at the TV for them to go for it on forth down but nope, they kept kicking and missing. It probably was the wind messing with the kicks so I don't fault them with that. Still, I wouldn't send my kicker out that many times when I could go for the TD instead. Also, coaches who punt in enemy territory are cowards.

THE GAMES

Tompa Bay Buccaneers   24

Philadelphia Eagles         17

These Buccos made some news this week. Tom Brady injured his thumb. Brady called Antonio Brown a "football genius". Snoop Dogg brought strippers for TB12's son at his birthday party after Super Bowl LIII. The Bucs removed Jon Gruden from their Ring Of Honor (for now). Leonard Fournette is hyped about this team. And Gronk (among others) will miss another game due to his rib injury. Tampa Bay should still come away with a win here.

Miami Dolphins              52

Jacksonville Jaguars    14

Man, Jon Gruden may have saved Urban Meyer's job. Things have deteriorated so much between Urban and the Jags, he was at risk of getting fired by their bye week. But now that everyone is focused on Gruden's leaked emails, Urban can slink into the background as this team continues to be mismanaged. Maybe Tony Khan should focus more on them instead of shit talking Vinnie Mac. As for Cayman Nebraska, if she does get fired from her job, maybe she should start a OnlyFans account. It's a easy way to get suckers to pay for IG quality content.

Kansas City Chiefs         33

Washington Warriors     23

Speaking of distractions, people completely forgot those emails were from the investigation of WFT owner Dan Snyder and the toxic workplace environment of the organization. It even led to a DEA raid of WFT athletic trainer Ryan Vermillion's office at the practice facility over prescription drug distribution earlier this month. So surprise surprise, they will retired Sean Taylor's number (on short notice) during this game. Unsurprisingly, people are suspicious of their motive to doing something many fans felt they should've did after he was killed in 2007. Unless the NFLPA gets their way, we won't know what was in those 650,000 emails.

LA Rams       48

NY Giants     10

The Giants took some heavy losses in their last game, chief among them Saquon Barkley's ankle sprain. Daniel Jones suffered a concussion but it looks likely he will return for this game. I don't consider Jones a star player but I wouldn't put him out there in a lost cause. Start Mike (Still In The League) Glennon, let him and Saquon heal up and come back for Week 7.

Houston Texans        24

Indianapolis Colts     27

While Clay Travis brings up Deshaun Watson in his response to Gruden leaving the Raiders, Colts owner Jim Irsay says the Colts will win 2 Super Bowls in 10 years. LOL not with that roster! In uplifting news, it was great to see T.Y. Hilton recover from his neck injury. He considered retiring but after talking with Andrew Luck, he decided to get back in the game. Good for him!

Cincinnati Bungles   35

Detroit Lions             31

How the hell Joe Burrow injure his throat? He was released from the hospital after being cleared of a throat contusion and is on "voice rest" but WHAT THE HELL! I can't blame the Bengals for that corkscrew hit he took. He needs to protect himself because he's not built like Cam Newton or Ben Roethlisberger where he can absorb punishment. Nor is he Lamar Jackson or Patrick Mahomes where he can outrun defenders. Like Aaron Rodgers said, just slide. 

Green Bay Packers    30

Chicago Bears           17

Speaking of A.A. Ron, he's not going to the Bears. That's all you need to know about this game.

Los Angeles Chargers   44

Baltimore Ravens           30

Speaking of Lamar Jackson, he was happy he got his first roughing the passer penalty in 2 years. The simulation says he won't comeback to win this game but you shouldn't count him out.

Minnesota Vikings   30

Carolina Panthers    29

Panthers not looking too dominant like they were earlier this season. They still have a strong defense but their offense has been lacking as of late. The Vikings are middle of the road on both sides of the ball so this is bound to be another nail biter that makes the opposing coach cry.

Arizona Cardinals    42

Cleveland Browns   21

Statwise, the Cardinals met their match. Realistically, not so much. The Browns have the offense to shock the world so I wouldn't rule out the simulation being wrong about the Brownies. It would've been interesting seeing newly traded Zach Ertz play for the Cardinals after the Eagles loss but that's not allowed. Now him and J.J. Watt are teammates just like their wives.

Las Vegas Raiders   16

Denver Broncos       34

Gruden would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling New York Times. Of all the coaches to be outed for saying racist, misogynistic and homophobic things, he's the least surprising. Chucky is a noted asshole so saying "Dumboriss Smith has lips the size of michellin tires", calling Roger Goodell a "faggot" and a "clueless anti football pussy", bitching about female refs, "queers" in football and players kneeling during the anthem and trading topless cheerleader pics sounds par for the course. Various people have cut off contact with him, including Madden who will give Gruden the Aaron Hernandez treatment and remove him from the game. Assistant coach Rich Bisaccia takes over so who knows how this season will end.

EA puffed out their chest about removing Gruden but they're too lazy to add Bisaccia or assistants in general. 

As for who leaked the emails, that's a bigger question. The NFL says they didn't even though they benefited from it. The NFLPA was in the middle of voting for their new leader. But when the emails leaked, DeMaurice Smith was reelected for another term. The union has been Charmin soft under him so the NFL will enjoy continuing to negotiate with someone who won't put up much of a fight and ask for something like fully guaranteed contracts, tuition or lifetime health insurance for former players. Some even believe that Gruden was sacrificed so people wouldn't ask about the WFT investigation. But the leak might come back to bite the NFL in the ass when it comes to the lawsuit they're facing from St. Louis. Remember that? They won't be able to control the narrative like they did with Gruden and Snyder so they would be fucked if that case goes to court. And it doesn't help that their lawyer Jeff Pash is roped in this as well. But the NFL says there are no more problematic emails so let's leave it at that (HAHAHAHA).

Dallas Cowboys             34

New England Patriots   38

Here's a couple fun facts. This is the first time the Cowboys played the Patriots with a better record than them since Week 3 of the 1981 season where they won 35-21. Also, the Patriots won 6 straight games against the Cowboys with their last loss coming in Week 16 in 1996 losing 6-12. These teams trade advantages and disadvantages on their offenses and defenses so go with Bill Belichick to pull a rabbit out of his hat to salvage this season.

Seattle Seahawks        6

Pittsburgh Steelers    14

It's Geno Smith's time to shine while Russell Wilson is out with a busted finger. He had a cushy job for the past 3 years as Russ' backup but now he will get the chance to start in his first game in 4 years. He was one of many Jets QBs who couldn't get them back to the respectability of the Sanchize era. He was average at best with them and lost his job to Ryan Fitzpatrick when IK Enemkpali punched him, breaking his jaw, due to stiffing him of $600. He looked decent when he came in last week but couldn't get the comeback against the Rams. ESPN did a story last year about the fight revealing that Enemkpali got into real estate. I know it won't happen since he's enjoying his life but it would be funny if the Steelers flew in Ikemefuna to fuck with Geno.

Buffalo Bills              31

Tennessee Titans     21

I should've known once they added ESPN to the playoff and Super Bowl rotation, it would give them a excuse to put a playoff game on Monday Night Football for the next 5 years. Sure, the game will also be available on ABC and Yahoo Sports app but I still hate it. The NFL is the only sports league where every week of the regular season and playoff game is on network television. But these assholes at ESPN is trying to change that and force people to watch their shitty network. I can't wait till they give Amazon and NFL Network a game as well. Ugh.

LAST WEEK    8-8

OVERALL      44-36