When I started this weekly NFL preview, I intended on uploading them at noon on Thursdays so I can get it out and share it on Reddit and Twitter. That has not happened at all. Week 1 I posted at around 5 before the pregame show. Week 2 was posted during the pregame show while Week 3 was just before the game began. Now here's Week 4 and I won't get it out til Sunday. Sure, it allowed me to account for the schedule changes of the Steelers-Titans (The NFL is gonna go in on their ass if they find out the Titans didn't follow protocol.) and Patriots-Chiefs games, but I still don't want to mismanage time like Eagles era Andy Reid. So for Week 5, I'm gonna manage the clock properly and start early on the preview so I will actually get it out on time for a change like Chiefs era Andy Reid.
THE GAMES
New York Jets 9
The Jets are the most suckinist bunch of sucks to ever suck. The Broncos
should get their shit together and win this game.
Washington Skins 17
Dwayne Haskins' development into a star QB isn't going as planned.
People expected him to improve from his promising rookie season but
instead he's fucking up more including throwing three interceptions and
fumbling the ball against the Browns. Ron Rivera showed
patience
with Cam Newton's mistakes in his rookie year with the Panthers but
Dwayne isn't Cam. I don't feel they have the talent to be in win now
mode so benching him could make things worse because his backups are not
future stars. Carolina didn't want Kyle Allen and Alex Smith is a mentor
so unless they plan on tanking this season, they rather as well stick
with Haskins.
Tompa Bay Buccaneers 14
Just as expected, Justin Herbert's second start didn't go to well. Sure,
he put up 330 yards and a TD but he also threw a interception and
fumbled twice. That silenced those who wanted him to be the permanent
starter but a win against the Bucs will start that noise back up
again.
Seattle Seahawks 17
Miami Dolphins 29
Ryan Fitzpatrick led the Dolphins to a commanding win against the
Jaguars while the Seahawks had a late scare vs the Cowboys. Can
FitzMagic make it two in a row? Doubtful, but anything's possible with
Harvard Man.
Minnesota Vikings 0
Houston Texans 33
Speaking of not living up to expectations, the Texans just can't get it
together and Deshaun Watson is running for his life taking big hits like
this:
Bill O'Brien has got to go. His play calling is bad and his general
managing is even worse. The fact that he gave away his best receiver,
which forces Deshaun to scramble around opening himself up to more big
hits, shows me he has no idea what he's doing. He's basically sabotaging
the few talents he has left on this team!
New Orleans Saints 37
Detroit Lions 0
I talked shit about the simulator choosing the Lions to win last week
against the Cardinals. But they actually came through beating them 26-23
with a last second field goal by Matt Prater.
Don't expect that type of success when the Saints come marching in.
Cleveland Browns 44
Dallas Cowboys 24
Once again, the NFC East is lackluster as no one has a winning record in
this division. People tend to overreact to situations like this by
saying the league should be contracted/expanded, divisions/conferences
realigned, move to promotion/relegation, etc. Of course, these people
are idiots. The NFL is the only sports league with actual parity where
any team can win at anytime vs anyone. And because of that, there are
ebbs and flows in how strong each division is.
People said the same about the NFC West and NFC South about how those
divisions suck and should be erased. Remember how the 2010 Seahawks became
the first team to get in the playoffs with a losing record by winning their division at 7-9? People were
so pissed off they got in they demanded the NFL change to a
conferenceless league where teams make the playoffs purely on record
(Thank God they didn't). Then they went on to beat the heavily favored
defending Super Bowl champion Saints in the Wildcard round.
The point I'm making is, it's Any Giving Sunday in the NFL and it
doesn't matter who's on your team. If you don't give it your all, you
will lose like the Cowboys here regardless of the talent on your team. Plus, any team in this division can go on a run and make some noise in the playoffs.
Jacksonville Jaguars 10
Cincinnati Bengals 34
Well, at least Joe Burrow didn't lose last week at Philly but he also didn't win either with the game ending with a 23 all tie. Maybe he will have better luck vs the Jags.
Indianapolis Colts 38
Chicago Bears 20
I simulated this game before Big Dick Nick was named starter so if Big Dick Energy blows its load all over the Colts, don't blame me.
Carolina Panthers 19
When you throw three interceptions, good luck with winning that game if you don't have that many star players to cover for your mistakes. That's something Kyler Murray will try to avoid this week when throwing to DeAndre Hopkins at Carolina.
LA Rams 26
Ram fans are mad about that late passing interference call that cost them last week against the Bills. Imagine how pissed they would be if they lost to New Jersey's other hapless team.
Las Vegas Raiders 48
As for the Raiders, they look to rebound this week by beating New York's only football team.
Kansas City Chiefs 26
LATE BREAKING NEWS!!! Cam Newton (and XFL 2020 star/Chiefs practice squadder Jordan Ta'amu) has the coronavirus so this game got moved to Monday!
Philadelphia Eagles 16
San Francisco 49ers 31
It's Next Man Up in the NFL so no one will feel sorry for you if your team comes down with a rash of injuries. So it's nice to see the 49ers make due with the situation they're in getting a win vs the Giants last week and probably getting another one against the winless Eagles this week.
Green Bay Packers 54
The Falcons did it AGAIN! For the second straight week they pissed away a double digit lead to lose the game at the end!!
 |
| YOU BLEW IT! |
For the second straight week they had a 99% win probability only to pull a Hillary Clinton and CHOKE away a guaranteed victory!!!
 |
| THE FALCONS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED |
This team DESERVES to be curbstomped on national television in their MNF matchup with the Packers. Afterwards, they should use those disinfectant drones on the team to kill the Chokervirus that's covered all over their bodies.
 |
| They should spray the locker room for Chokid-16 |
Tennessee Titans To Week 7
16 people on the Titans (8 players and personnel members) been infected with the coronavirus so this game was moved to Week 7 giving both teams a bye week. It also meant the Steelers game with the Ravens was moved to Week 8 as well. There's gonna be more postponed games in the future so it's a good thing these owners own their own stadiums because it's likely the playoffs (if they get that far) are gonna be pushed back some weeks to give teams time to test players who may have been in contact with an infected team member.
LAST WEEK 12-3-1
OVERALL 25-22-1
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