After spending much of their 100+ years of existence with strict jersey rules, the NFL finally allows players to wear #0 this season. The 22 players who jumped at the chance to wear that number have various reasons why they wanted it from it looking cool to signifying a new beginning. That along with new kickoff rules (UGH) flexing MNF and TNF games along with Black Friday Football (CALLED IT!) and other rule changes will make the league drastically differently from 10 years ago. The only frontier left to cross is sponsorship ads like in the NBA and practically every professional sports league outside of the NFL. They're already conditioning us to them with their new rookie patch to commemorate their first game. But to be honest, they're kinda running out of real estate on the jerseys with the captain, Walter Payton Man of the Year and the various team specific patches along with the Super Bowl patch. Anyways, before I get to the game previews, here's the Agent Zero roster (No, this won't be a yearly thing).
|
2023 NFL AGENT ZERO ROSTER |
|||||||
|
TEAM |
PLAYER'S
NAME |
POS |
AGE |
HEIGHT |
WEIGHT |
EXP |
COLLEGE |
|
BUF |
Nyheim Hines |
RB |
26 |
5'9" |
196 |
6 |
N.C. State |
|
PHI |
D'Andre Swift |
RB |
24 |
5'9" |
215 |
4 |
Georgia |
|
MIA |
Braxton
Berrios |
WR |
27 |
5'9" |
185 |
6 |
Miami |
|
JAX |
Calvin Ridley |
WR |
28 |
6'1" |
190 |
5 |
Alabama |
|
DET |
Marvin Jones |
WR |
33 |
6'2" |
199 |
12 |
California |
|
NYG |
Parris
Campbell |
WR |
26 |
6'0" |
208 |
5 |
Ohio State |
|
ARI |
Zach Pascal |
WR |
28 |
6'2" |
215 |
6 |
Old Dominion |
|
LAR |
Byron Young |
OLB |
25 |
6'2" |
250 |
R |
Tennessee |
|
TB |
YaYa Diaby |
OLB |
24 |
6'4" |
270 |
R |
Louisville |
|
ATL |
Lorenzo
Carter |
OLB |
27 |
6'5" |
252 |
6 |
Georgia |
|
MIN |
Marcus
Davenport |
OLB |
27 |
6'6" |
265 |
6 |
Texas-San
Antonio |
|
CAR |
Brian Burns |
OLB |
25 |
6'5" |
250 |
5 |
Florida State |
|
DEN |
Jonathon
Cooper |
OLB |
25 |
6'4" |
257 |
3 |
Ohio State |
|
BAL |
Roquan Smith |
ILB |
26 |
6'1" |
236 |
6 |
Georgia |
|
LAC |
Daiyan Henley |
LB |
23 |
6'1" |
225 |
R |
Washington
State |
|
SEA |
Devin Bush |
LB |
25 |
5'11" |
234 |
5 |
Michigan |
|
SF |
Samuel Womack |
CB |
24 |
5'10" |
189 |
2 |
Toledo |
|
CLE |
Greg Newsome
II |
CB |
23 |
6'0" |
192 |
3 |
Northwestern |
|
HOU |
Shaquill
Griffin |
CB |
28 |
6'0" |
198 |
7 |
UCF |
|
LV |
Jakorian
Bennett |
CB |
23 |
5'11" |
195 |
R |
Maryland |
|
NYJ |
Adrian Amos |
S |
30 |
6'0" |
218 |
9 |
Penn State |
|
NO |
Ugo Amadi |
S |
26 |
5'9" |
201 |
5 |
Oregon |
|
TEAMS |
PLAYERS |
OFFENSE |
DEFENSE |
SPECIAL TEAMS |
|
AFC |
10 |
3 |
7 |
0 |
|
NFC |
12 |
4 |
8 |
0 |
THE GAMES
Detroit Lions 14
Kansas City Chiefs 51
I get the Chiefs will start their world championship defense at home, but the simulation is giving no respect to the Brand-New Lions. It feels they don't need Travis Kelce to spear these kittens.
Carolina Panthers 13
Atlanta Falcons 37
But the simulation IS giving respect to Desmond Ridder as he starts the season as THE GUY for the Falcons. He shouldn't have to throw 80 times like in the 1st round of the 2021 FBS Playoffs.
Houston Texans 24
Baltimore Ravens 20
Everyone's talking about how the Ravens are the first NFL team with an all-Black QB room. They'll still lose to the Texans and their Black coach who returned to the team he played LB for.
Cincinnati Bengals 17
Cleveland Browns 23
Joe Burrow says he's "ready to go" after suffering a calf strain during training camp. He's not really a running QB so it won't affect him in that aspect. BUT it WILL make him more of a sitting duck behind that O-Line considering he already been sacked 124 times after 3 seasons.
Jacksonville Jaguars 48
Indianapolis Colts 10
I hope Shad Khan doesn't pass off the Jaguars to his son Tony cause Tony has no idea what the fuck he's doing with AEW. I already feel he's a worse booker than Vince Russo and after this CM Punk drama, he has 0 control over the locker room. Say what you will about Vince McMahon, but there's no way he would allow his top star to beef with midcardders and their friends to the point where they get into a physical altercation. TWICE! After that speech about how he feared for his life, I have 0 respect for him. That's something a heel would do to avoid fighting a babyface in an angle leading to a PPV. Not an owner of the #2 wrestling promotion in the world.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 52
Minnesota Vikings 13
Tom Brady finally retired (again) so it's now Baker Mayfield's team. He hopes to be this season's Geno Smith as a QB people wrote off after lackluster years only to breakout as Comeback Player Of The Year. A dominant win over the Vikings would be a nice start in this story.
Tennessee Titans 17
New Orleans Saints 38
Derek Carr is also looking for a redemption arc as he was pushed out of Vegas and landed in the Big Easy. That makes Jameis Winston a backup again and since rookie Jake Haener is suspended 6 games, Taysom Hill is a QB again after being switched to TE. And shoutout to Blake Grupe for making the team after the Saints traded their kicker Will Lutz to the Broncos.
San Francisco 49ers 48
Pittsburgh Steelers 13
The Niners finally solved their QB problem by dumping Jimmy Garoppolo and Trey Lance in favor of Mr. Irrelevant Brock Purdy. Keep in mind, these dumbasses couldn't keep these 3 guys healthy and refused to have 3 active QBs on their roster which bit them in the ass last season and resulted in this bullshit Emergency QB rule. God forbid you be held accountable for piss poor roster building. Nah, lets bailout these idiots who would only have 1 QB on their team if they could. At least Nick Bosa agreed to a 5-year, $170M extension so that's some good news.
Utah Buckeyes 13
Washington Commanders 20
Is it any doubt that the Cardinals are tanking with Joshua Dobbs starting at QB with rookie Clayton Tune backing him up? If they're hoping to land USC's Caleb Williams, his dad said he would just return to college for another year if he doesn't like who has the #1 draft pick. He could always just pull a Eli Manning and refuse to play for the team that drafts him until they trade him to a more desirable location. Or he could keep playing for USC earning NIL money.
Green Bay Packers 26
Chicago Bears 21
Bears-Packers hits differently without Aaron Rodgers. Jordan Love finally gets the Packers to himself after sitting behind A-Rod for 3 years. In other news, their new Irish punter Daniel Whelan is a XFL success story while USFL legend Alex McGough goes to the practice squad.
Las Vegas Raiders 27
Denver Broncos 31
WTF is going on with Chandler Jones? Earlier he wanted to play for the team now he's pissed at them for not being able to get in the building. This is such awful timing for your star defense player to get mad and freak out. At least we know Chiefs DT Chris Jones just want a raise.
Miami Dolphins 20
Los Angeles Chargers 10
Hopefully those Jiu Jitsu classes helped Tua learn to fall safely and not get another concussion.
Philadelphia Eagles 27
New England Patriots 28
First game of the season and I'm already speeding through these previews. Goddamnit.
Los Angeles Rams 17
Seattle Seahawks 21
Cooper Kupp will miss this game due to a hamstring injury. Poor old man Matthew Stafford.
Dallas Cowboys 34
New York Giants 23
SNF kicks off the season with Cowboys-Giants! Let's see was last season a fluke for the G-Men.
Buffalo Bills 28
New York Jets 37
No MNF triple header full of jobber announcers you don't care about to close out week 1 this time as Joe and Troy gets this night to themselves. The arrival of A-Rod instantly makes the Jets Super Bowl contenders, but will his stint in a new town turn out like Brett Favre or Tom Brady?
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