Only in the NFL where you can obliterate a QB so badly he has to go to the hospital and it's considered a clean hard nose play. BUT if you land on the QB on a sack (sort of), you get flagged for roughing the passer and if the league gets their way, you're ejected from the game! Like, WTF? It's like the owners and rules committee fucks with the rules on purpose just to piss off fans (and players) because they know drama drives clicks for NFL content. Just think about it, is any other league in the news year-round like the NFL? Does things as simple as a rule change or hell, a "point of emphasis" in other leagues get as much coverage among the sports world as the NFL? HELL NO! And I really believe the NFL enjoys the controversies they stir up with their decisions. Probably to get attention off Snyder and the WFT toxic workplace.
THE GAMES
San Francisco 49ers 3
Seattle Seahawks 19
Big Cock Brock absolutely railed the Bucs, just smashed their ass into submission until they couldn't walk anymore. The simulation apparently believes he will still be in the refractory period and won't be able to get it up for his big date with the Seahawks tonight on Amazon.
Indianapolis Colts 24
Minnesota Vikings 23
This is Game 1 of a Saturday tripleheader on NFL Network. Whenever Apple starts streaming games, it would be great if they only took over the NFLN games but we all know that won't be the case. They will likely get one of the late Sunday games further screwing over fans without streaming options. For instance, the whole country should witness the Colts jump in on exposing the Vikings as frauds. This game shouldn't be relegated to a channel no one cares about.
Baltimore Ravens 24
Cleveland Browns 22
So far it doesn't look like Deshaun Watson is the savior Browns fans was hoping for. Since his return, he has passed for 407 yards, a TD and 2 INTs. Compare that to Brock Purdy who has thrown for 461 yards, 4 TDs and two INTs too. No ones expecting them to make a playoff run but they could at least show us that it was worth bringing him in despite all his off-field baggage.
Miami Dolphins 31
Buffalo Bills 55
Damn, the simulations usually don't spit out predictions like this. Who knew WR Cole Beasley coming out of retirement and rejoining the Bills would make this much of a difference!
Atlanta Falcons 13
New Orleans Saints 26
Due to Tampa Bay getting skull fucked in primetime, the NFC South is wide open and the winner of this game will be in position to take the lead late in the season. Since rookie QB Desmond Ridder will start the rest of the season, Marcus Mariota is free to get knee surgery. While the Saints will need to come up with some other trick than faking injuries to win this game.
Pittsburgh Steelers 17
Carolina Panthers 38
The Steelers had a golden opportunity to win with Lamar Jackson out last week but they squandered that chance and got Kenny Pickett hurt. As they figure out who will start Sunday, the Panthers are clawing themselves back into the playoff race thanks to every team in this division being garbage. It's funny how winning the division is easier than getting in as a wildcard team.
Philadelphia Eagles 19
Chicago Bears 16
I expected a bigger win here. This is almost as close as USA vs Japan in my NSFW tournament.
Kansas City Chiefs 24
Houston Texans 16
Where were THESE Texans the previous 14 weeks? Sure, the Cowboys could be frauds themselves but Houston actually looked good! Let's see can they give KC another scare.
Dallas Cowboys 16
Jacksonville Jaguars 20
I know when I think about John Tesh's iconic NBA on NBC theme "Roundball Rock", I think about fucking wrestling. 🙄 Is Tony trying to trick NBA fans into watching his AEW special because it sure as hell seems like it. Someone could be on his phone while Inside The NBA is in commercial then looks up when he hears the theme. He sees randos and Chris Jericho and wonders "Why is this wrestling program using a basketball theme song?". Also, "Wasn't FOX using this for college basketball?" (They still are). I would say if he's gonna reuse a iconic theme, then at least use a wrestling one like "Across The Nation" by The Union Underground.
But they are not WORTHY of it! They are not worthy of "The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson. They are not worthy of "Build A Bridge" by Limp Bizkit. They're not even worthy of "Don't Question My Heart" by Saliva ft Brent Smith of Shinedown! Now, if I was running a baseball league, I would absolutely use the MLB on Fox theme, along with their lineup theme. I would also use their NASCAR on FOX theme if I was a billionaire starting a stock car racing league. I might write about how I would run the league and use their starting grid theme.
Detroit Lions 10
New York Jets 41
Thank you for exposing the Vikings as frauds Lions. Now kindly help the Jets get in the playoffs.
Arizona Cardinals 6
Denver Broncos 13
Since Kyler Murray has a torn ACL (on grass), he has plenty of time to play Call of Duty.
New England Patriots 27
Las Vegas Raiders 31
Remember when the NFLPA puffed out their chest over caring about player safety after Tua's back/concussion issues? They made a big deal about firing the independent doctor (who actually did his job properly according to the protocols at that time) because he was defiant in their investigation. They added new verbiage so all signs of a player showing gross motor skills will get him pulled from the game regardless if it was a head injury or not. Well Patriots WR DeVante Parker got a concussion and it took his teammates to get him off the field to keep him from lining up for the next play. He was understandably pissed about it. So what bullshit will the dumbfucks of the NFLPA come up with this time to explain how the spotters missed this?
Tennessee Titans 13
Los Angeles Chargers 30
I hope Jaelan Phillips gets 7 sacks in this game.
Cincinnati Bengals 34
Tompa Bay Buccaneers 13
A normal person sees the Niners gently choking Tom Brady and thinks, "Maybe he should've stayed retired". But other people think, "He should go to the Raiders!". What in fucks name makes you think Brady would be successful in Vegas? Is he a better QB than Derek Carr? Of course! But as people rattle off all the "weapons" the Raiders have, they completely ignore that Brady is a STIFF! Derek has been sacked more times than Tom and he's far more mobile than Tom ever was so those receivers won't mean shit if he doesn't have the time to throw the ball.
New York Giants 29
Washington Outlaws 10
Catch #16 Tulane vs #17 UCLA of the FVB Sports FBS Playoffs this weekend!
Los Angeles Rams 10
Green Bay Packers 27
People really spent all that time debating on where OBJ will go this season and it looks like he's not gonna play at all. The networks got the extra clicks so they're not mad about being duped.
LAST WEEK 9-4
OVERALL 110-96-2
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