The longest NFL week is finally over. The only reason why it wasn't longer
was because NBC didn't want Ravens-Steelers to replace their
Christmas Tree Lighting Primetime Special
so we got Wednesday Afternoon Football instead. The two games that did play
on Thanksgiving ended in blowouts which cost the job of a team's coach/GM
and chance of finishing .500 for the other team. And even though "star
calls" and favoritism isn't as apparent in the NFL as it is in the NBA, it's
clear that the league tried their best to help out the Ravens with their
multiple postponements so they can get some of their players back from the
Covid-19/Reserve list. All the while fucking over the Broncos by forcing
them to play a practice squad WR at QB because all their actual QBs were
placed on the list as well. Other things happened like the usual injuries,
Coronavirus scares, blowouts and suspensions as well so let's start Week
13!
THE GAMES
Cleveland Browns 35
Tennessee Titans 17
This is pretty much a
mirror match
with how similar the Browns and Titans are:
- Both are 8-3
- Both of them have top tier rushing (Browns are 1st while Titans are 2nd).
- Both have bottom half passing attack (Browns are 30th while Titans are 22nd).
- Both teams sucked ass for a long time before improving recently.
- Both starting QBs sucked ass before improving recently.
Las Vegas Raiders 17
New York Jets 9
The Raiders got pimp slapped by the Falcons of all teams. Sure, I
predicted
the Falcons would win this but goddamn! How the hell you go on about
feeling disrespected when you get EMBARRASED by a team that's best known
for losing back to back games they had a 99% chance of winning this
season? But as bad as this was, at least they're not Frank Gore.
 |
| The NFL couldn't be bothered to use his profile pic from the Jets website. |
He's spending the tail end of his career this season on the winless Jets.
Despite only rushing for 521 yards and 1 TD this season (Both Kyler Murray
and Lamar Jackson have
more yards and TDs
than him), people consider him a future HOFer. But this season haven't
gone well for him at all. Hell, his
profile picture uses last year's headshot when he was a Bill so not even the NFL
cares about him anymore! He says he doesn't want his career to
go out
with a 0-16 Jets team but unless they cut him or they get a surprise win,
he doesn't have a choice at the matter.
Jacksonville Jaguars 26
Minnesota Vikings 28
Gardner Minshew may be healed of his thumb injury but the Jaguars will
still start Mike Glennon against the Vikings. To be honest, it doesn't
make a difference. This team sucks. The QBs suck. The defense suck. It's a
whole bunch of suck in Duval but this game will be close.
Cincinnati Bengals 7
Miami Dolphins 17
Joe Burrow's knee surgery
was a success
so that's good. Other than that, Fuck the Bengals.
Indianapolis Colts 16
Houston Texans 38
It's no secret this season has been a disappointment for the Texans
but there have been some bright spots. They liberated the Detroit Lions
from under the rule of Matt Patricia! Lions fans were so grateful, they
donated to
Deshaun Watson's charity after that fateful Thanksgiving Day game. Now the Texans look to
build off that with a win over the sputtering Colts. BTW, best of luck to Colts Punter Rigoberto Sanchez and QB Philip Rivers on their aliments.
Detroit Lions 28
Chicago Bears 13
Speaking of the Lions, with
Patricia and GM Bob Quinn gone (Called it!), it's time for them to start over and hire someone who isn't a hardass
Belichick disciple. It's funny how the incompetence of your head coach
makes you regret firing your previous coach. Jim Caldwell wasn't great but
at least in his four years there he had three winning seasons, two playoff
appearances and the players liked him. Now that I think about it, the
Lions deserved getting a bad coach like Patricia to ruin Matthew
Stafford's prime years. But at least Caldwell gets the
last laugh with a subtle shot at Patricia and the Lions on Adam Schefter's
podcast.
New Orleans Saints 31
Atlanta Falcons 22
Where the hell was
this production
the previous 12 weeks? They forced four fumbles, got a pick-6 and racked
up five sacks to go with the five field goals and three touchdowns. Maybe
Raheem Morris should stick around as head coach if he can get his team to
play well like that. Of course, the Saints are not gonna just roll over
like the Raiders because they're not frauds.
New York Giants 24
Seattle Seahawks 28
Due to the Cowboys shitting themselves in front of a national audience,
the Giants lead the NFC East. As I eloquently stated
last month, it's doubtful you're getting a eight win team out of this division.
They only have two
winnable games left on
their schedule so outside of the three bird teams catching the flu, their
"Road To 8" wont reach its destination on time.
Los Angeles Rams 19
Arizona Cardinals 7
It's weird to say that both teams are playoff caliber teams and NOT
playoff caliber teams at the same time. Both the Rams and Cardinals can
light up the scoreboard and provide a tough challenge for their opponents.
At the same time, they have glaring weaknesses that can be exploited by
smart teams that would make them out to be frauds. Both of them are likely
to make the playoffs but how far they go is a total mystery. Until then,
Rams win this matchup.
New England Patriots 24
Los Angeles Chargers 30
Tyrod Taylor
declined to file grievance
against the Chargers for their doctor puncturing his lung lung causing him
to go to the hospital and lose his staring spot. I get that blindly
shoving a needle in someone's chest to inject him with painkillers carries
the risk of a punctured lung, but c'mon now, he was sent to the hospital and lost his starting job! If
a fuckup that major caused me to miss out on playing time and whatever
performance bonuses that was on my contract, I would absolutely sue them
and expose the Chargers for their shitty medical treatment history. Of
course, that would mean the end of my time with the team (and most likely
league as well) but fuck it, I want compensation for my pain and suffering
by their hands!
Philadelphia Eagles 20
Green Bay Packers 16
Has there been a faster fall from grace for a Super Bowl winning coach
than Doug Pederson? It was only the 2017 season when the Eagles won their
first ever Super Bowl and three seasons later he's on the hot seat. This
just doesn't happen! Especially with teams with a long history of
futility! Usually winning the Super Bowl grants the coach Ring Protection
where he can inflict years of mediocrity on his team(s) until they finally
fire him like
Mike Shanahan.
Sometimes you don't even need the ring like
Jeff Fisher.
Either way, it looks like on the Road to 8, Pederson is coaching for his
job as well as the division lead. This difficult matchup vs the Packers
wont do him any favors and neither does the
rest of the schedule.
Denver Broncos 37
Kansas City Chiefs 20
What do you get when you replace your QB with a non-QB like in Madden?
You get this. I didn't get to watch the game because of bullshit blackout rules so I
had to settle on highlights like this:
Based on the drive chart, it looked like they did mostly direct snaps to
their RBs and Kendall Hinton
mainly thru deep passes. I don't see why they didn't do Short Passes, QB Runs, Run Options,
Wildcat, Jet Sweeps or Screen Passes? Like, you're not gonna win with a
practice squad receiver in at QB, so you rather as well run a Triple
Option/Flexbone offense like Army or other colleges to get by. Instead, they had him do this nonsense. Maybe the coaches watched this highlight video of him quarterbacking at Wake Forest and went "Yep, we're gonna catch the defense sleeping with deep balls like we did with Tebow in that playoff game" (They did not). Afterwards, Drew Lock, Brett Rypien, and Blake
Bortles were
taken off
the Covid-19/Reserve list and Bortles was made the
Designated Survivor
in case this
happens again. Having said that, I don't see how the simulation picked them to beat the
Chiefs. Maybe Lock will ball out thanks to the added rest he got last
week.
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The Steelers played like crap against the Ravens Wednesday. They got the
win, but that's not the type of play that will win you the Lombardi
Trophy. Even though you could make a starting lineup with the Ravens
missing from this game, the Steelers playing like a
"junior varsity"
team kept it close to the end. Now they play a mirror of themselves who
haven't had the good fortunes they had. I was surprised by how
similar
Steelers and Football Team are! Both of them have a great defense and a
poor offense. But what separates them is Pittsburgh has a far better QB
where the offense isn't a liability like with Washington. However, if
Washington's defense can hold Pittsburgh's offense to field goals, they
have a chance to edge out a 11-9 win.
Buffalo Bills
38
San Francisco 49ers 31
The 49ers were kicked out of their home due to Santa Clara County
banning contact sports. So they're playing the rest of their home games in
Arizona
crashing on the Cardinals' couch. I'm surprised we went this long before a
Californian team was forced to move out of the state due to the
restrictions. I would've preferred they moved to a empty stadium like in
Texas or Alabama but whatever. This just shows that putting a NFL team in
London would be stupid because when another pandemic happens that foreign
team will either be stranded in England or get booted out of the country
like the Toronto Blue Jays were this season. Speaking of Toronto, good
thing the Bills didn't move there as well because they would've suffered
the same fate and be forced to play their home games in America.
Dallas Cowboys 44
Baltimore Ravens 31
The Cowboys and Ravens are like me. The Cowboys are a huge
disappointment performance wise and the Ravens just can't get shit
done on time. This was supposed to be a Thursday game, but due to their
flirtations with Corona pushing back the Steeler game, this becomes a
Tuesday Night Football game (for now). The Ravens are expected to have all
their important players back by then so that's big trouble for the
Cowboys. Their only saving grace would be Lamar Jackson and his teammates
coming off the list playing like crap like Cam Newton.
LAST WEEK 9-7
OVERALL 98-77-1
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