In what was a long time coming after getting
benched and deactivated
in favor of Kyle Allen, Ron Rivera kicked Dwayne Haskins to the curb.
Normally when a first round pick flames out of the league, people clown him
making jokes about how much he sucks and comparing his bust to Ryan Leaf and
JaMarcus Russell. With Johnny Manziel, people were making all kinds of
Johnny Football memes and jokes of him partying while not knowing how to
read a defense. But with Haskins, people were ANGRY at his failures. Fans
still got their
jokes in
but the media shitted on him like they lost money betting on him to succeed.
As much as these talking heads love to stroke their egos thinking themselves
as football savants, no one really knows why it didn't work out for him in
Washington. Whether it was immaturity, only caring about
his brand, didn't
fit the
new system
or he just plan sucks as a pro like hundreds of QBs before him, it's best he
gets a fresh start somewhere else.
Reportedly the Panthers are
interested in him,
which is weird considering they already have Teddy "Hamburger Helper
Gloves" Bridgewater, Will Grier and XFL legend P.J. Walker on their roster.
There are other teams who could use a young body with a high upside but it's
unknown if they would be a right fit for him. Thanks to Corona, his options
outside of the NFL are very limited. Canada closed their border and The
Rock's XFL won't be back til 2022 so unless he wants to experience what
indoor football is like in the
restarted IFL, he's gonna be sitting on the couch next year. Hope he didn't blow all his
money at the
strip clubs!
THE GAMES
Atlanta Falcons 13
Tompa Bay Buccaneers 23
Last week Tom Brady led the Buccaneers to their first playoff berth
since 2007(!!!). With all the offseason signings they made including getting Gronk
out of retirement and signing headcase Antonio Brown, they was clearly in
win now mode. They had some bumps in the road and possible bickering
between coaches and players but they finally made it to the postseason. If
they play like they did in that
ass kicking
of Detroit, they just might be hard to beat after all.
Dallas Cowboys 31
New York Giants 27
Washington's loss confirmed what I said in
Week 11
that no one will have eight wins in the NFC East. The team that had the
most losses to spare at the time is eliminated (Eagles), so that leaves
the Cowboys and Giants to play a "win and you're (could be) in" matchup to
decide who will be the benefactor of a (possible) Redskin fuckup later
that night. Dallas is playing competently while New York is...not, so Dem
Boys will be glued to the screen for SNF.
New York Jets 6
New England Patriots 3
The Patriots will miss their first postseason
since 2008
when Tom Brady was out for the season with a ACL tear. They still won 11
games with Matt Cassel but was left out in the cold due to the Dolphins
and Ravens having tiebreaker advantages over them. I don't see Cam Newton
returning next season and as awful as Jarrett Stidham was in
mop up duty in the loss
to the Bills, he probably wont be back either. If they do bring in another QB, I hope
they don't hire Adam Gase to be his coach like the
rumors claim.
Gase has no business coaching ANYONE in the NFL with how horrible he's
been coaching Ryan Tannehill and Sam Darnold. And I don't give a damn
Peyton Manning likes him, Gase sucks ass!!! Having said that, Jets win.
Minnesota Vikings 28
Detroit Lions
49
This has been a crap season for the Lions. You don't get to look back on
your dynasty and think to yourself you had a good run like the Patriots.
Nor do you tank to get a franchise changing player in the draft like the
Jaguars. This season has been just one huge waste of time and talent of
your star players. The simulation may have chosen them to win this nothing
game with their
third head coach this season (the 1941 Steelers is the only other team to do that) but this
further justifies Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson's decision to retire
early instead of continue to pointlessly give up their bodies for this
shitass franchise.
RIP Dalvin Cook's dad.
Pittsburgh Steelers 23
Cleveland Browns 16
Browns gonna Browns huh? They started off hot. Baker Mayfield made more
commercials. They got the fans hopes up that they will FINALLY end that
17 season playoff drought! But some late
fuckups put them in a situation that they have to win to hold on to that
final wildcard spot. Otherwise, the Colts will slide in to the playoffs with a win and
Cleveland will once again experience the soul crushing reality of being a
Brownie.
In other news, the AFC North champ Steelers will rest Big Ben so Mason
Rudolph will start the final regular season game. Since the last time
Mason played against the Browns THIS happened to him:
Of course the media
asked him
about Myles Garrett trying to stir up drama. Mason whined "He has not
reached out to me in any capacity". Myles later replied "If he wants
to talk after the game or before the game, let it come naturally". As much
fun as it would be laughing at Cleveland choking away a playoff berth, I
want Myles to have a career day laying out Mason.
Baltimore Ravens 27
Cincinnati Bengals 23
Fellow 10-5 team Baltimore finds themselves in a must win situation as
well. The league wants them in. The networks wants them in. The
advertisers wants them in. EA Sports wants them in. It would be fitting
for the Bengals to ruin their season as well after ruining their own
earlier this year by
failing to protect Joe Burrow. Also this may be A.J. Green's
final game
with Cincy so the Ravens better watch out for them playing with extra
motivation to win.
Miami Dolphins 25
Buffalo Bills 24
Having a backup QB as a reliever when your starter struggles may sound
great but I consider it troubling. You know the old adage, "When you have
two QBs you have no QBs." The Dolphins don't trust Tua Tagovailoa to
get out of a slump midgame and doesn't feel Ryan Fitzpatrick is a viable
starter. Eventually Ryan will leave this team then what will you do once
you don't have FitzMagic to bail you out? How can Tua grow as a passer
when you yank him after struggling early instead of letting him work it
out? You're already
limiting the playbook
he can use while Ryan is free to do what he wants. Putting his development
on the backburner so you can hold on to a playoff spot will come back to
bite them in the ass. Count on it!
Seattle Seahawks 30
49ers
10
Monday, this highly disappointing season will finally come to a close for
the Niners. The defending NFC Champions just couldn't get all the setbacks
they faced this year. From playing under
orange skies
from local wildfires, to your star QB getting injured again, to your local
county
kicking you out
of your own home, this team just couldn't catch a break. Jimmy
Garoppolo will be healthy next year but can you count on a injury prone QB
to lead your team in the future? Yes you can if you protect him better.
They should go do that next season.
Arizona Cardinals 29
Los Angeles Rams 23
The Rams went from a sure thing in making the playoffs to "ehhhh...".
Basically, they need to beat the Cardinals to move on to the playoffs.
BUT, if the Cards win AS WELL AS the Bears they THEY will be the ones
spending the postseason alone at home. With Cooper Kupp
out with Coronavirus and AAF alumni John Wolford
starting in place
of a injured Jared Goff, it looks like they will be spending the rest of
the year alone at home.
All Elite Jaguars 21
Indianapolis Colts 13
The Colts is yet another team where late season losses have fucked them
over. A loss to the team with next year's #1 draft pick would end their
season. While in all four scenarios they have to win and either Tennessee,
Miami, Cleveland or Baltimore loses for them to earn their playoff spot. A
Titans loss would give them the AFC South title but that's not gonna
happen right?
Tennessee Titans 13
Houston Texans 23
After J.J. Watt criticized his teammates for
not playing hard
these last few meaningless games, they may be ready to run through a brick
wall for him. The Titans are in the playoffs but a win grants them the
division title so that should keep them motivated in this game. Just not
enough to beat a pissed off Watt who wants to end the year on a high note.
Las Vegas Raiders 42
Denver Broncos 23
I forgot Melvin Gordon III was on the Broncos. Anyway he's the only
player in the NFL with 8+ rushing TDs in each of
the last 5 seasons. Other than that tidbit, this is a nothing game.
Los Angeles Chargers 6
Kansas City Chiefs 36
LA's battery had no charge for most of the season. They got going a
handful of times but much of this season was just clicking noise as they
sit there and watch their opponents pass right by them. At
least Justin Herbert's
first 14 career starts
is similar to Patrick Mahomes' with 4,000+ passing yards so there's some
hope to look forward to next season.
Green Bay Packers 27
Chicago Bears 7
DA BEARS quietly got ten back in the playoff race after an awful start
earlier this year. All they need is a win and they're in. Since that
probably won't happen against the Packers, they need the Cardinals to lose
to hold on to the last wildcard spot. Yep, they have to hope a backup QB
from a defunct football league beats Kyler Murray. Good luck with that
Bears fans!
New Orleans Saints 20
Carolina Panthers 17
"The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away." That best describe what
happened to Alvin Kamara this past week.
Lord Giveth:
- Alvin Kamara ties HOF Ernie Nevers for most rushing TDs in a game with 6 vs the Vikings on Christmas.
- Alvin's performance helped Drew Brees' son Baylen win his fantasy football league.
Lord Taketh Away:
- Alvin was fined 5K for his red and green Christmas cleats.
- Alvin tested positive for Coronavirus.
- Alvin and his fellow RBs are out of the regular season finale as well just like the Browns played without receivers and the Broncos went quarterbackless for a week.
A Haskins Free Football Team 20
Philadelphia Eagles 34
Even though it's a new year, 2020 is still hitting us with weird shit like
a game between two teams with losing records getting flexed INTO Sunday
Night Football to close out the regular season. Enjoy it while it last,
this might be the only time you see Al and Chris call a matchup between a
6 and 4 win team that will decide the division winner.
OVERALL 134-103-1
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