Like
last year, the Pro Bowl Games started with a precision passing event. But not
wanting their Pro Bowl QBs to get shown up by a ESPN analyst again, they
simplified the event where all they had to do was hit screens hanging in the
air. Jared Goff got the high score of 44 thanks to having extra time due to
the trivia part of Passing the Test
(which the NFL didn't bother to include in the highlight). Patriots QB Drake
Maye showed why people clowned him for being Lamar Jackson's replacement
when he only got 22. Which is the
same score
Dan Orlovsky got.
Satisfying Catches replaced High Stakes where they had to do a 1 handed catch, catch
with big hands then do a diving catch in a relay race thing. The NFC won
again but everybody nearly blew out their ACLs attempting the diving catch
while Texans CB Derek Stingley Jr struggled the most with the oversized
hands. Jets DL Quinnen Williams won the pointless The Big Spike putting the AFC on the board. Both sides lost heat races due to bobbled
handoffs, but the NFC survived the
Relay Race. Then they won again in another quiz show event in Helmet Harmony. And to close out Thursday's events,
I guess
the NFC won in Dodgeball even though you wouldn't know it with the bad editing job in the
highlights
giving them a 14-7 lead.
|
| Raiders TE Brock Bowers got the closest to catching the ball, but the NFL clearly didn't test run this part as the ball was too far ahead of the players each time. |
There was no blurring of clothes in this
Madden
game as everyone worn league approved apparel. Derwin James and Brian Thomas
Jr of the AFC took on Justin Jefferson and returning champ Micah Parsons of
the NFC. This year Charissa Thompson was joined by former QB turned
YouTuber
Kurt Benkert and he brought other YouTubers with him to tackle a dummy
because why the fuck not? It took 6 years, but the AFC finally won with a
score of 22-13. Sunday's event
Punt Perfect
went longer than expected because the punters were slightly better at
getting the footballs in the cups than the non-punters but the AFC team of
Logan Cooke and Marlon Humphrey finally won it in overtime after a punt off
between Cooke and Jack Fox.
The Great Football Race
went faster than I thought it would as the NFC won in under 5 minutes. Then
they swept the AFC in Tug of war to win the final skills challenge. All that was left was to play some Flag Football where the NFC used the advantage from winning events to stay ahead of the
AFC as they won 76-63. That means for a
3rd straight year
Eli Manning showed he's a better coach than brother Peyton. Jared Goff won
offensive MVP while Byron Murphy Jr won defensive MVP even though KaVontae
Turpin blitzing the QBs forced multiple bad passes.
|
| I'm sure this collision would be a flag in flag football at the Olympics. |
THE BIG GAME
Kansas City Chiefs 10
Philadelphia Eagles 38
The NBA did the impossible in overshadowing the NFL's Super Bowl week of
coverage with the Dallas Mavericks
trading
away their face of the franchise Luka Doncic to the LA Lakers for Anthony
Davis. Most people think this was a L trade by the Mavs because why the
hell would you trade away your young star player for someone who is in his
30s AND is injury prone? It seems that they did it because they didn't
want to pay a $345 million supermax deal to a fat fuck who won't stop
pigging out on Whataburger and Dairy Queen. Now he just has to settle for
Carl's Jr and In-N-Out while paying all those high ass California taxes.
It's
safe to say
Mavs GM Nico Harrison usurped Jerry Jones as the most hated man in Dallas.
At least the
ratings
should go up.
As for this
rematch
of
Super Bowl LVII (I forgot FOX did this one too), it has some enticing storylines as
well. While the Chiefs aim to make history 3-peating the Super Bowl, James
Winchester will become the
1st long snapper
to play in 5 Super Bowls and aim to have the most Lombardis at that
position with 4. Travis Kelce probably won't propose to Tay Tay after the
game (she wouldn't be in the mood for it anyway
considering
President Trump will be there) but he could join his brother Jason in
retirement. So once again, the simulation says the Chiefs will get blown out, but this time the
Eagles'
Offensive Player of the Year
Saquon Barkley will run the ball down the Chiefs' throat. This result
should shut down the NFL is rigged conspiracies.
LAST WEEK: 1-0
PLAYOFFS: 6-7
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